From the Ashes - E-Book

People say love is like a wildfire, unpredictable and all consuming. But the love I’ve had for my best friend has always been comfortable and warm.

Phoenix McKean was the spark that made my childhood magical. He’s unafraid and wild, the opposite of me in every way. He stole my heart before I even knew what that meant.

For a brief moment I was wrapped in his arms, my happily ever after secure.

But the car crash that took my mother from me changed everything. I was the only survivor and when my grief began to spiral out of control, I pushed Phoenix away before he could see how damaged I was.

A fire like his couldn't be contained. He was better off without me and my broken mind.

Just when I finally feel like I’ve moved on, he strolls back into town, successful and sought after by all. I shouldn’t feel jealous, but I can’t help it because, as much as I know I shouldn’t be, I’m still in love with him.

He deserves better than me. He deserves a life full of happiness and joy, not one full of pills, panic attacks, and shrinks. Besides, this wild man will never settle down….and especially not with someone like me.

But when he learns what I’ve become, I have no choice but to confess why I've hidden it from him all these years. If I don't, I might lose him forever, and the only thing scarier than watching him leave… would be asking him to stay.

Tropes: childhood best friends to lovers, hurt/comfort, second chance, small town, neurodivergence, standalone, HEA

Chapter One: Charlie
I was the kind of kid that always had a box of matches in his pocket. Not because I was a junior arsonist that enjoyed lighting neighborhood cats on fire. But because after a weekend scout camp one summer when I was eight, I was eager to have a bonfire as often as possible. There was just something magical about sitting around a fire in the great outdoors. It was better than anything I’d ever experienced. Oh, and I was never far from a bag of marshmallows either.
Both of those things probably explained why I didn’t have a lot of friends. I was fascinated with nature which was an odd thing when everyone else was enthralled with music, video games, and television. And the surplus of marshmallows definitely put me on the very chubby side. That alone was enough to make me an outcast. Needless to say, I learned early that kids could be cruel to anyone who dared to be different.
So when a new kid moved in down the street when I was ten, I thought little of it. Well, at least until he wandered into my backyard one night as I was setting up the fire pit.
“Charles?” my mother called from the back porch.
God, I hated it when she used that name. It was such an old person's name. And since I was named after my dead grandfather, no amount of arguing could convince me otherwise. It seemed intrinsically unlucky to be named after a dead person. It didn’t give me much to live up to.
“Yeah?” I asked, turning back to her. “What do you–”
My words trailed off as I saw another small figure standing next to her. He was backlit by the light from the dining room so I couldn’t make out much, but he was skinny, mop headed, and struck a confident pose. He looked like he was close to my age too.
“Remember I told you that a Mrs. McKean moved in down the street?”
I nodded as she neared the campfire, my eyes fixed on the boy she ushered along at her side.
“Well, it turns out she has a son and you’re both going to be in the same grade.” She nudged him forward a bit. “This is Phoenix.”
The boy stepped forward and I got a good look at him for the first time. He was a little taller than me, lanky, and his hair wasn’t brown like I suspected, but flaming red. He shifted his weight to one hip, his hands stuffed in his pockets as he lifted a shy face and gave me a smirk.
There was something about him that struck me. I couldn’t quite place what it was. But for all the shyness he was putting on, something about him seemed… wild. And the way the campfire caught his green eyes… it was almost like there was a fire burning inside him. I could nearly feel the blaze roiling within him that was desperate to get out.
“I figured you two could get to know one another over the summer and then he wouldn’t have to start school without knowing anyone,” my mother continued. “Maybe you can show him around the neighborhood. I know how much you like to explore. I’m sure you know all the best places for adventures.”
She gave me a wink and I felt a surge of embarrassment wash down to my toes like a cold egg cracked over my head. I returned a stern look, but she only smiled.
“I’ll let you two be,” she smiled. “I told Mrs. McKean I’d have you home in an hour.”
Then she was gone, her shoes clacking on the porch boards as she slipped back inside the house. The pair of us were left standing there, staring awkwardly at the ground as we shuffled our feet. I had no idea what to say to this complete stranger. Mom was always trying to get me to make friends. She thought I was a loner. What she didn’t know was that it wasn’t by choice.
“Hi.”
My head snapped up as Phoenix was the first to speak.
“Uh… hi,” I replied shyly.
There was a long pause.
“So… uh… did you just move in?” I asked, not sure what else to ask.
“Yeah. Last week.” He paused, looking me over. “How old are you?”
“Ten.”
“Me too.” There was a long pause as we both searched for something to say. “Do you have bonfires all the time?” he finally asked.
I nodded. “I like them. And being outside. It’s…” I searched for the right way to convey my passion with a single word. “Quiet.”
Phoenix gestured to the s’mores supplies I had sitting on a log off to the side. “Are your friends coming too?”
My cheeks burned in embarrassment. “I… I don’t have any friends.”
I hated the sound of those words on my lips. It cut deeper than I liked to admit.
“Me either,” Phoenix replied.
My head snapped up. “Really?” Suddenly we had a lot more in common than I’d expected.
He shook his head. “I had a couple back in Detroit, but I’m never going to see them again because my stepdad forced us to move out here.”
There was a melancholy anger in his voice that made my heart ache for him even though I’d always lived here.
“He got a new job up in Portland. I just don’t understand why we had to move to this backwater place.” Phoenix scuffed his feet across the grass before looking up at me. “No offense.”
I wasn’t offended. Rural Oregon wasn’t exactly the most thrilling place to live. It was just trees and hills as far as the eye could see. There weren’t big stores, movie theaters, or arcades to go play in. It was just a few houses huddled together in the valley surrounded by the vast wilderness. I liked it, but I couldn’t deny that I sometimes wished for more.
“I’ve never been to a big city,” I replied. “What’s it like?”
That made him smile.
“It’s like a maze,” he replied, his eyes shining in the firelight as he looked up at the stars. “There’s so much light you can’t see the stars at night and the buildings are so tall they almost make you dizzy to look at. It’s loud, there’s a ton of cars, and there’s always something fun to do no matter where you are.” He glanced back at me, a mischievous grin pulling at his lips. “And there’s more trouble to get into than you could do in a lifetime.”
“Wow…” My eyes were wide with astonishment just hearing about it. “That sounds really cool, Phoenix.”
“Nix,” he corrected. There was a touch of discomfort in his voice. “I don’t like my name.”
“I don’t like mine either,” I admitted. “It’s an old person's name.”
“What do you want me to call you?”
“Charlie is better.”
He nodded. “Charlie it is then.” He stuck out his hand. “Nice to meet you.”
I took it, feeling a spark between us that I couldn’t explain as our palms touched.
“Nice to meet you too, Nix.” I paused for a moment. “Do you want to roast a marshmallow with me?”
“Hell yeah!”
A wide grin split my face as we gathered around the fire with pokers in hand. I had a whole set of them just in case I ever made a friend. Not to mention there was more than enough chocolate, marshmallows, and graham crackers to go around. Mom kept me well stocked in that regard.
“So… how long have you lived here?” Nix asked, spearing a marshmallow onto the end of his poker.
“All my life.”
“You must know all the cool places to explore around here then.” A mischievous smile spread over his face. “Are there any cool things around here like abandoned houses or factories or something?”
I shook my head. “Not really. But I haven’t explored the mountains much. There might be a cabin or something that someone hasn’t used in forever.” I pushed a pair of marshmallows onto the end of my own poker. “I don’t really go out by myself much. Mom doesn’t like me to be outside alone.”
“Doesn’t your dad take you camping or anything? I figured everyone up here would be woodsy.”
I shook my head again, but this time is was accompanied by a melancholy frown. “I… I don’t have a dad. Not anymore.”
Nix froze, his green eyes fixed on me in horror.
It was a reaction I was used to. Kids didn’t know what to say when they found out your father was dead. Everyone at school had both parents, even if they were divorced. But nobody had lost one. That, along with being the introverted fat kid who liked fire too much, made me the biggest weirdo at school. It was no wonder nobody ever wanted to be around me. And I expected Nix would probably leave too now that he knew.
“I’m sorry, dude,” Nix said at last. But then his brows knit together and he gave me the most intense stare I’d ever seen. “Fine. If you don’t have a dad, then you’ll just have to go exploring and camping and fishing and hiking with me.”
I gazed at him, completely at a loss for what to say. My chest fluttered strangely at his resolution and for the first time ever I felt like I actually had a chance at being friends with someone.
He smiled, nudging me with his shoulder. As he started to swing his marshmallow over the fire, I reached out and grabbed the poker, pushing it back.
“Wait,” I said, seeing the confusion cross his features. “I have a trick to stop them from burning.”
I got another odd look as I moved the cup of water I had off the table and sat it in the ground between us.
“Dip it in there,” I explained. “Just for a few seconds. Then it won’t catch on fire so easily.”
“I don’t want a wet marshmallow…”
“Just trust me.”
Nix lifted an eyebrow. But when I offered no further explanation, he just shook his head and did as I instructed. I followed right behind him and both marshmallows, dripping with water, wet over the fire.
A minute or two later we pulled our pokers back finding our marshmallows not only melted the whole way through, but golden brown and wonderfully crispy on the outside. Nix didn’t even wait for chocolate or crackers. He just popped the entire thing in his mouth. There was a groan of satisfaction followed by several hilarious hissing sounds as the hot marshmallow clung to the roof of his mouth. By the time he’d finally managed to swallow it, I was practically rolling on the ground in tears.
“Don’t laugh at me!” he barked, smiling from ear to ear.
“I’m sorry!” I had to wipe the tears from my eyes. “It was just so funny.”
Mimicking his sounds back to him, we both began to cackle anew, like MacBeth’s witches gathered around the cauldron. But instead of overthrowing a kingdom, we were just two young boys lost in our own little world that suddenly burned so much brighter than it had before.
Time flew by as we sat there making our s’mores and telling jokes to one another. Nix told me about his video games and his tv shows while I told him about all the plants and animals I’d been learning about. Passion rolled off our tongues and into the night air, curling up into the sky with the smoke from the campfire. To my surprise, he didn’t cut me off or gaze into the distance while I spoke like other people did. His eyes stayed trained on me and he took in every word. He even asked questions in all the right places.
When Mom finally came to take him home, I was beaming from ear to ear. We grumbled and pleaded for her to let us stay up later, but she wouldn’t have it. Not when she’d promised Nix home over a half hour before.
We waved to one another as Mom walked him down the street towards the little gray house on the corner. I was sad for the night to be over, but Nix had already made a promise to come back the next day. He had a spare bike I could use and he wanted to know where the creek was. And I was more than glad to show him.
I couldn’t help smiling even after he went inside. For the very first time, I felt like I wasn’t alone in the world.
I’d actually made a friend.